Chuckella Norris Strikes Again

Whether it was the effects of too much hard work, the plaster dust, or just because we’re a silly family, the kids and I were yukking it up over the weekend about Chuck Norris.

We’re demolishing the downstairs of our house right now….. and at the end of a very, very exhausting Friday, we were stuck on a small project that was leaving us very frazzled and quite peeved. I wanted to remove a small wall (been wanting to remove it for over 10 years, TODAY was the day and I wasn’t going to stop til it was GONE). We’d managed to hack at a few of them to take them down, but the remaining blasted studs would not budge. The builder had toenailed the studs into the floor on three different sides. These nails and studs had been in this spot for over 150 years, and it didn’t have any intention of moving. We banged it with the sledgehammer, we pried it with all three crowbars, we jiggled it with our hands, all in futile effort. The only way to get the stud out was to take a reciprocating saw and slice the blasted wood in half, and tackle each half individually. Problem was, I have no reciprocating saw. And I wasn’t about to spend $100 on one just to get the stupid, blasted stud out!!! Gah!!!!! We were sweaty, exhausted, and everyone wanted to quit. It was the end of the day…. let’s just stop for a while. But I was SO CLOSE to having my dream come true!

In a sudden burst of energy, I yelled “Hi—— YAH!!” and did a Chuck-Norris style roundhouse kick on the stud.

CRACKKKKKKKKK!

I had split the stud!!!!
:jetters:

Oh my gosh! Yay! I did it with the second one. “Hi—— YAH!!”

CRACKKKKKKKKK!

OMGOMG! The second one split!!! My kids were absolutely bug-eyed with amazement. I was, too, LOL. My son said, “Holy cow, wait until I tell the guys!” I responded, “I think it works better if you say “Hi———YAH!!”

I sounded more like Miss Piggy than Chuck Norris, but WHATEVER. I got the stupid studs out!!!!

Later, at dinner, the discussion revolved around Chuck Norris (I love Chuck Norris— er, more like, the CONCEPT of Chuck Norris- how he beats up the bad guys and justice triumphs over all, and all that jazz). I relayed a few of the best Chuck Norris proverbs to the kids. Hilarious!

• Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
• When the Boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
• When an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on the safe side.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Of that last Chuck Norris Fact, the REAL Chuck Norris said:

It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: it’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

By the way, without Him, I don’t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things — and so can you.

And that’s why I love Chuck Norris!!

I told the kids that if they ever wonder what to get me for my birthday, etc, get me Chuck Norris t-shirts. I love them! Here are a few of my favorites: