Sunday Funnies

Food for thought on a Sunday….

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Sunday church service had just finished, and a little girl walked out the building and onto the sidewalk, carrying her Bible. A group of snickering young men sneered at her as she walked past them. One of them, a self-proclaimed skeptic, called out to her.

“Little girl, do you really believe in that Bible”?

“Yes, I do,” she stopped to look at the man.

“Ha! Do you really believe in those stories in the Bible?” he sneered.

“Yes, I do.” she said seriously.

“Ha! Do you really believe that Jonah was swallowed by a whale and spent three days in its belly?”

“Of course I do!” she said.

“If Jonah was really in the belly of the whale, then how did he breathe?” The young man laughed and all his buddies laughed with him.

“I don’t know. When I get to heaven, I’ll ask him.” She smiled a big grin.

“Well, what if he’s not in heaven?” The man continued to mock her.

“Then you can ask him!” She smiled and walked away.

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The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shalt Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

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Odd Signs

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in a dry cleaner’s window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY
NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS
A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

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Absentee excuses- these are real absent notices written by parents. Some of these are so weird that you wonder if they are just employee excuses to the boss for playing Titleist golf…

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

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