My husband may be the King of One-Liners. And I laugh every.single.time. Is this the sign if a dutiful wife, or just a pitiful one? Seriously, he’s pretty witty. Or “punny,” as he calls it. And the kids are right up there with him. My daughter got a bunch of tracts from Way of the Master, and one of the pamphlets has THE funniest sayings I’ve ever heard. I busted laughing on some of them!
My Favorite:
Fountain of Youth? We already have enough youth, how about a Fountain of Smart?! 
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can’t.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the ability to reach it.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
42.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Eat right! Stay fit! Die anyway.
Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now, I’m not so sure.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.
Stop repeat offenders: Don’t elect them!
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
What happens if you get scared to death twice?!
:egads:
I hope these gave you a good laugh today. Which ones were your favorites?
Here is where I express my zany, creative, motherly side. Read more 
January 14, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I think, the nursing home one is too funny… my hubby always uses that one!!!
January 17, 2012 at 10:12 am
I like your favorite best.